Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I Don't Know What to Do!

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

Parenting ignorance. It is a malady with which every parent struggles, but most of the time, we beat ourselves up over our lack of knowledge. Consider this: Imagine beginning your college career as a freshman taking Chemistry 401. Chemistry is your first class on your first day of your first year. You walk into class, and the professor is distributing a test – the final exam. How would you do?
You say to the professor, “How would anyone be expected to pass the final exam in a senior level class on the first day of school as a freshman?”
Good question. We should ask ourselves the same question when we feel totally defeated in our parenting because we failed at something or because we’re at a crossroad and are just not sure which way to go. Here’s a question for you. Why should expect to be a parenting expert with your three year old or your teenager when you’ve never been a parent before? Maybe you are thinking that this question doesn’t apply to you because you are currently struggling with child number three. The fact is that every child is different. We do not parent every child the same, so just because you had success before with a particular method does not mean success with the succeeding children will be forthcoming. The fact is, parenting is a journey and an art. It’s not really a science. While there are important principles that can be applied in every situation, we must be flexible and acknowledge that we are forever in the school of parenthood. So, don’t beat yourself up. Learn from your failure, and determine how you will handle things differently next time. Denis Waitley said, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.”
I try to follow the “Joshua Principle” when it comes to parenting. I love the story of the Children of Israel standing before the Jordan River at flood stage. While the Israelites did not know how they would cross the river, God told them to get ready. Joshua spread the word throughout the camp: “When you see the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord your God with the Levitical priests carrying it, then you shall set out from your place and go after it…that you may know the way by which you shall go, for you have not passed this way before” (Joshua 3:3-4). The Ark of the Covenant represented the presence and leadership of God. Inside the ark were several things, including a copy of God’s law. Let’s acknowledge that we too “have not passed this way before” and keep seeking God’s help as He leads us into the unchartered territory of parenting. When we immerse ourselves in God’s truth and constantly seek God’s presence, we will find God’s help when we don’t know what to do.
How do you respond to parenting failure? Share your thoughts below and share this blog with your friends through Twitter and Facebook by clicking the links below.

Monday, May 26, 2014

The Power of Words

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

Whoever came up with the children’s mantra, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never heart me,” must not have been a child. Words are actually quite powerful. While children can overcome physical blows quickly, painful words have a way of embedding in the mind of a child and staying there for the rest of his or her life. The Proverb writer said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” We actually shape our child’s image of themselves by the words we use. I’ve got a friend who was given the nickname “Dummy” by her father when she was quite young. This moniker affected the way she saw herself even into her adult years, and I have a feeling that even though God has helped her overcome a lot of the negative impact of this careless label, it still affects her.
As parents, we have numerous choices to make regarding our children, and one very important choice has to do with the words we use. Our children desperately need affirmation, and they specifically need affirmation from Mom and Dad. Dr. John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago conducted a study of people’s reactions to negative and positive words. His conclusion showed that the brain has what he called a “negativity bias.” We are more sensitive and responsive to negative or unpleasant words than positive words. This is why criticism has a much greater effect on us and can stay with us for our entire lives.
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, from the University of Washington, suggests a five-to-one formula. While he was initially addressing married couples, the formula can certainly apply to children. Maybe, the numbers should be changed to ten-to-one. According to Gottman, the brain will overcome a negative word or criticism if it receives five positive comments or affirmations. We might think of it as giving our child a high five. What are some positive things you can intentionally say to your child today? How can you give him or her a high five. Saying negative things to our children may come naturally to us because we always seem to be in “correction mode.” We’ve got to change that and see ourselves as the shapers of our child’s character and destiny. Affirmation is a critical part of that process. This may be why Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Monday, May 19, 2014

Launch of 31 Days to Effective Parenting

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What could you do if you had 31 days to do it? Could you lose ten pounds? Could you organize your closet or deepen your prayer life? This blog will focus on the life-changing experience of...change. For now, we're going to focus on finding needed change in our parenting. Follow us for principles that work as we will be posting insight on parenting principles gleaned from our own experiences as well as from the experiences of others. Welcome aboard to 31 Days.