New Site

Hi!  Thank you for stopping by!  I have moved to a new address:

http://sandrariordan.com/

Hope to see there!  =)

Mean Mama

If there is one area of parenting where I would fall into the "Mean Mama" category, teaching my kids to be healthy eaters would be it. Although I never actually put it into words, I guess my moto was "My kids' health is more important to me than my comfort and convenience." Because, trust me, it was not just uncomfortable or inconvenient; at times it was downright painful, because it hurt me to not let them eat when I knew they were hungry. Over and over again  I had to put my feelings aside and remind myself "It's not about you, Sandra!".   It's a decision that was worth the trouble and I have never regretted it.

Here's what I know; a very hungry child will eat anything! And now... you are really starting to wonder about this blogger! =)   No, I never starved my children, but they knew if they didn't eat what was put in front of them (and there was only one menu option) they would not eat until the next meal with no snacks in between. If they refused to eat, their plate would inevitably be covered with plastic and put in the refrigerator just in case they came to their senses and decided that stubborn pride was not going to fill their tummies and that starvation was worse than eating their veggies! Yes they got hungry, but if you will look them up on facebook you will see that it did not hurt them in the least and are, in fact, very happy and healthy individuals.  All six of them, almost all grown now,  love eating healthy foods and have thanked me numerous times for making them eat right when they were little, painful as it was for me and them. 

"I have made up my mind about this issue.  It is not worth the battle!", you may say. If we will take the time to consider the profound repercussions of such a decision we may change our minds.  This is a decision about your child's quality of life. From the very first mouthful of solid food our children begin developing eating habits that will stay with them for the rest of their lives and will define their health, good or bad, now and in the future. Every bite they take is a habit being formed. Obesity, cardiovascular disease, cancer, bone and dental diseases.  These, many times fatal, diseases are all directly related to poor eating habits and are only a few of many other health problems associated with the foods we eat.

If obedience training has not been a regular practice in your home, your child's eating habits are probably not the best place to start.  You can train a child to pick up his toys, but making him chew and swallow will only come in the context of a relationship where obedience to a command is normal or at least semi-normal =).

This is just "food for thought" today, more on this subject later.  Thanks for reading!

My blog has moved to http://sandrariordan.com/
Hope to see you there for the most recent posts!

Law and Love Part 2 - The Reign of Love

Love. Just the sound of the word itself evokes in me both benevolence and desire. The giving and receiving of Love is the most basic human emotional need.  Is it any wonder?  We were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27). God displayed the ultimate expression of love in sending His only Son to pay the penalty for our sin on a cruel cross  to make it possible for us to have a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him in heaven (John 3:16).  It is impossible for us to love the way God loves, for His love is perfect. But it is in this relationship that the life of Jesus Christ becomes our life and the purest form of human love is expressed. If you do not know Him personally, I encourage you to consider His invitation to give your life to Him; it is in this relationship that you will be able to love others most freely.

Love is as basic a need to the home as water is to the earth.  God sends the needed rain; the earth receives it and produces in abundance; the water evaporates and it rains again. The rain is constantly being poured out and received, giving life and giving back. God's love is never ending and unconditional. We, the recipients of this perfect and extravagant love,  always have a fresh supply to give, setting in motion the "Love Cycle" in our homes and making home a living, growing and thriving place to be. Is the Love cycle not quite what it used to be at your house?  As parents, the first place we need to look is within ourselves.  Love must first reign in our own hearts before it can reign in our homes.

When love is truly reigning in our hearts it cannot be contained.  The very essence and nature of love forces self to have a seat while love takes action showing itself in compassion, acts of service, kindness, gentleness, generosity, forgiveness, and long-suffering (and the list goes on). Consider the story of the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10:26-37. Is this kind of love being reciprocated in your home?

In response to the lawyers question, "What shall I do to inherit eternal life?"  Jesus instructed him to do two things:  Love God and Love your neighbor.  Jesus explained  that our neighbor is anyone we cross paths with and with the use of a story, He illustrates how love reigned in the heart of a Samaritan man.

The Samaritan  was busy.  He was on a mission, when suddenly he was stopped dead in his tracks by love, the love that reigned in his heart.  Verse 33 says, "When he saw him , he felt compassion."  Jesus then explains how the love in the Samaritan's heart took action, showing itself in three acts of service for a beaten, left for dead Jew.

Love stops and takes time out of a busy schedule.  The Samaritan was on a journey.  The destination, we don't know, but you can be sure it was important. People in those days didn't travel, crude as it was, with the potential of being robbed or attacked by a wild animal unless they had a very important reason to do so. Chances are, there were loved ones or a business transaction awaiting him at the end of his journey and there was no way to communicate with them to let them know he would be running late.  Out of his heart of love, the Samaritan noticed a need, laid aside important things, and took time to put the wounded mans needs at the top of his list of priorities.

Love is tender, nurturing and caring.  The love reigning in the Samaritan's heart offered his comfort, his convenience and his feelings to have a seat and love got busy.  The known hatred and rejection of Jews for Samaritans and the memories of them taunting and cursing his family did not cause the Samaritan's love to think twice. He immediately dug into the saddle bags on his donkey and retrieved his own supplies, bandaged the Jew's wounds, heaved him onto his own donkey and carried him to an inn.

Love goes the second mile. The Samaritan could have easily felt satisfied with all that he had done to care for the man. The Love reigning in his heart, however, said, "It's not enough. Go the second mile." So he cared for the man through the night and paid for the mans stay and extra for his care. He went on his way, and returning on his way back home,  paid the innkeeper more for his care and any additional expenses.

If this is the kind of Love we should have for someone who hates us, how much more for our spouse and children? This, my friends, is extravagant, emptied of self, "lay my life down" kind of love.  Get the "Love Cycle" going in your home; let it reign in your heart today; your children need to know.

My blog has moved to:

 http://sandrariordan.com/ 

Hope to see you there for the most recent posts!

1 Corinthians 13:1-8
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
1 John 3:16
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.
Luke 6:27-28
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:35
Love you enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.
Romans 5:5
And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Law and Love Part 1 - The Rule of Law

My blog has moved to:

 http://sandrariordan.com/ 

Hope to see you there for more recent posts!

 

Where there is order there is government, instruction, or rule that finds its origin in God. Where there is disorder, these God ordained authorities are no longer functioning the way they were designed. 

The rule of law does not exist by some random chance. It was God's idea. We see the rule of law in everything God created.  DNA instructs the development of the body; gravity governs the solar system, the boundaries of the oceans and the couch I am sitting on; a day is governed by the rising and setting of the sun;  Kings and authorities are put in place to rule over nations; principals give instruction and leadership to schools.  On and on I could go listing everything that exists and the authorities that govern them.   There is not a single thing on this planet that does not have something bigger than itself ruling over it.  It is the natural order of life on earth and in the universe and a testimony to the existence of a higher being.

What about the home? It is the smallest and oldest God ordained institution divinely designed to be a testimony to the world of Christ and the Church.   Is it any surprise that, just like the rest of the orderly world we live in, God put in place a governing authority to rule over the home? 

Because of this natural order of the rule of law, when the God ordained authority is dysfunctional, absent or inactive the lesser subject will appear to rule itself when, in actuality, it is being ruled by natural consequences.  You have probably seen this exemplified in some families you know.  The parents coerce, beg, give in, negotiate, end every command with "OK?" and don't enforce it, and the children don't seem to have any sense of right and wrong, constantly getting into trouble, begging and whining to get their way and succeeding, mayhem abounds everywhere they go and "Good grief!" no one wants to be around this family!! In this example, the God ordained authority, the parents, is inactive or, at best, dysfunctional.  It appears that the children are ruling over themselves but are actually being ruled by the natural consequences of their bad behavior.

Children are like water.  They will freely go where there is no resistance.  Take, for example, a glass of water.  Except for evaporation, the boundaries for the water are very well defined. There is no confusion on the part of the water (if it could think) as to where it can and cannot go or what it can and cannot do. The glass is the authority and does not give in to the water. The structure of the glass defines it and the strength of the glass enforces it. Parents, we are the structure and strength of our homes.  Children will submissively remain within the boundaries given if those boundaries are very well defined and enforced.  Without boundaries they will ultimately become destructive or at least very unhappy, unproductive adults.  Remove the boundary of the water in the glass and you have a mess, or when the boundaries of the water in a damn are removed the destruction is massive. The longer a child grows up without boundaries the more destructive they will be to self or the world around them.  This is not to say that the rule of law is all there is to parenting. Not at all. But it is a large part of the balance that will ultimately produce balanced adults out of our kids.

I understand how overwhelming and confusing being a parent can be sometimes!  We get advice and opinions about it coming at us from all directions especially on the subject of discipline.  Consider again, the truths in the opening of this blog. Doesn't it make sense that YOU, the parent, are empowered by God Himself to rule and govern your home?   If you have bought into the idea that we are equal subjects with our kids, or even less than that, please allow me the privilege of offering back to you what has always been rightfully yours: your kingship over your home.

So put down the white flag of surrender and pick up your crown.  I am cheering you on! =)

Some of my other blogs I have written, and will be writing in the future, will help you know what to do to reclaim authority in your home. The link below is also an excellent resource.

https://www.amazon.com/Train-Child-Child-Training-21st-Century/dp/1616440724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475695977&sr=8-1&keywords=to+train+up+a+child

You are My Sunshine

  

I don't know about anyone else, but to me, one of the greatest blessings in life is laughter!  I mean, it would be like clipping the wings of my spirit if I could not laugh!  When I have a good side splitting laugh, I feel like a soothing ointment has just spilled all over and saturated my entire being.  Laughter connects and bonds us with people we love and those we barely know.  On a personal level, laughter counters stress; on a social level, laughter counters hostility.  It is a powerful physiological, social and emotional force that we should be stimulating in our homes on a daily basis.

My blog has moved to:

 http://sandrariordan.com/ 

                                                 Hope to see you there for more recent posts!

God was so creative when He decided to make us to laugh! He even gave us a few unmentionables to make sure it happens almost daily! =) (and yes it does happen at the Riordan's! HaHa ) Come to think of it, God must have a great sense of humor! He gifted people with the ability to carry an atmosphere of mirth and cheer everywhere they go; they have the talent to ignite laughter in the most dismal circumstances. Our son-in-law, Joe, has this most hysterical fake laugh that he will sometimes spontaneously break into at our family gatherings; it always gets all of us really laughing until we are red in the face!

Since God thought of laughter and provided the ability and the means to do it, obviously there must be a need for it.  What better place to experience it than in the home?  When our kids are grown, will they look back and remember home as a place of joy and laughter?  Laughter brings to a home what sunshine brings to a day!  So what's the "weather" been like in your home lately?

When we think of the atmosphere of our home, what words come to mind? Are they words like, lighthearted, joy, cheer, smiles, mirth?  Or would words like strife, moodiness, frowns or hatefulness better describe it. Maybe our home is somewhere in the middle described by words like gloom, discontent or silent. Evaluating the way things are at home may reveal the need for a more lighthearted atmosphere.  Parents, the atmosphere of our home greatly depends on us.  If we wake up with a thankful, joyful heart our kids will follow our lead and instead of raining on our day they will be our sunshine! With a little effort to stimulate laughter in our home we can turn dismal into delight. Whatever the "weather" condition of our home, it is worth considering and making a few adjustments, if needed, to ensure a sunnier day tomorrow because we could all benefit from a little more laughter!

So get everyone's jolly bellies jiggling with laughter =) ! There is plenty of help online but here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Break into a spontaneous tickling session on the floor with your kids.
- Use a prompt to start a tall tale chain story at the dinner table with each member of the family adding their own crazy twist to the story.
- Have a family night when everyone comes prepared to tell their best jokes.
- My family and I have had a barrel full of laughs around the dinner table just telling funny stories from the past.
- We have had loads of fun watching ridiculous youtube videos or searched "funny"on pinterest.
- Have a Karaoke night with fun songs. YouTube offers Karaoke playlists.
- Learn a new dance together.
- Look at random photos of people in public places and make up silly scenarios of what might be taking place.
- Games are great for triggering laughter
- Give everyone a tiny gift bag.  Award them with a Jolly Rancher every time they really laugh.  Encourage them to collect enough Jolly Ranchers to fill the bag and give to a friend. This will encourage laughter and the joy of giving.
- Keep your camera handy and capture photos of family members laughing.  Frame and place them all over the house.

Have gray skies been hanging around your home for a while? Here are some ideas to get everyone thinking, and create an awareness of the need to be more lighthearted.
- Have a family meeting and let your kids express how they feel about home.  Is it fun?  Do we laugh? Do we bicker a lot? Do we complain?  Are we thankful?  Encourage them to make a list of words that would describe the ideal atmosphere at home. Use the list to evaluate each day for a period of time.
- Set aside a week to focus on laughing more! Provide a calendar and some sun, cloud, and rain stickers.   At the end of each day talk about the day with your kids.  Was it a Sunny day, a cloudy day or a rainy day? Let them apply the stickers accordingly.  At the end of the week, celebrate having more sunny days of laughter with a smiley face lunch (be creative!)
- Laughter comes from a thankful heart. Get everyone involved in making a list of blessings and write thank you notes to God, friends or relatives illustrated with their own artwork.  Hang them around the house or send them in the mail.
- Your kids may not even know that the Bible talks about laughter.  Have family devotions tonight using these verses: Psalm 126:2, Job 8:21, Ecc. 3:2-8; Prov. 15:13, Prov. 15:15; Prov. 17:22.

I am sure you have plenty of ideas to get everybody laughing!  Be creative and have fun! Thanks for reading!

 

 "I'm thankful for laughter,

except when milk comes out of my nose."

- Woody Allen

My blog has moved to:

 http://sandrariordan.com/ 

Hope to see you there for more recent posts!

Spilled Milk Part 2 - Lessons in Crisis 101

My blog has moved to:

 http://sandrariordan.com/ 

Hope to see you there for more recent posts!

 

Have you spent much time in the ER lately?  Unless you are a medical professional in that field, probably not, but if we took the time to hang out there and observe what goes on we would gain a broad perspective of the many different ways that people handle crises.  No need to go to the ER to find it though,  you have probably experienced a real crisis yourself or at least been closely associated with someone who has, not to mention the nightly news drama.

One of two lightbulbs flicks on in our heads in a moment of crisis: SURVIVAL or OPPORTUNITY.  "Survival" is always focused on the protection and comfort of self and "opportunity" is always focused on the welfare of everyone involved and the outcome.  In other words, our reaction to crisis depends on our mindset. For the Christian it is a mindset plus the faith that God is in control of all things, and because we have the life of Christ in us we have an ever flowing supply of His power that gives us the strength to keep in mind that every crisis is an opportunity.

Other than our relationship with God, and whether we are a Christian or not there are some practical things we can all do to help maintain an "opportunity" mindset.  If it is at all possible to prepare the mind for the unexpected, from a practical standpoint,  it would be summed up in this word: Practice. 

Think about the number of minor crises we have each day.  If we ever hope to have an "opportunity" mindset when a real crisis comes, guess what! We are given plenty of practice time on a daily basis.  So when we're wondering why we can't seem to get through a single day without our child having a meltdown, the dog chewing up our favorite leather shoe, or Johnny's spilled milk on our newest "Rooms to Go" purchase, our lessons in Crisis 101 abound.  Are we reacting with the most natural animal instinct "survival" mindset or are we seeing it as an "opportunity" for ourselves and everyone around us to grow and learn. You may be thinking, "OK, this is completely unrealistic.  I am done with this blog".  It may seem unrealistic, but remember your only other mindset option is "Survival", and that's how animals think.  I am certain that we can muster up the fortitude to do better than that!

So a typical crisis in the life of Mom and Johnny might look something like this:
(If you haven't read my Mom and Johnny stories you should! They're good! =)  )

Mom goes into the quiet of her bedroom to nurse Johnny's baby sister, Jody.  Johnny and his younger sister Julie,  are busy making mom happy by finishing their list of chores.  Maybe mom was a little too confident in her child's abilities when she added "Clean the fish tank" to the list of chores, but of course, Johnny and Julie are more than confident and decide to take this one on while mom is not around to help.  Johnny and Julie together lift the ten gallon tank off the stand and slowly inch their way to the kitchen, water sloshing, fish confused.  Under the weight of the tank Johnny and Julie decide to rest the glass bottom tank on an open cabinet door.  Glass breaks, ten gallons of water flood the kitchen floor and five fish are desperately trying to swim in it!  Mom rushes to the scene.  In stunned silence and shock riveting her body she stands there speechless for at least 5 seconds unable to move. (I can't help but laugh when I get to this part of the story.  This really did happen at the Riordans!  But I can assure you I was not laughing in the moment!)

PAUSE

This is a critical moment of choice for mom. If she lives in "survival" mode her reaction may sound something like this:

Oh my goooooooooooooshsh!!!!! What in the world are you thinking!!! You stupid, careless, clumsy little brats!!!!! Johnny and Julie, horrified and hurt by moms words are thinking "But we were just trying to make you happy by doing our chores, and thought you would be so proud that we did the hardest one all by ourselves."   Mom, for the duration of cleaning up the mess, continues to rant  and finally sends the kids outside to "get out of my hair so I can have some piece and quiet!".  Not only did mom miss an opportunity for herself and her kids to grow and learn but she also hurled a crushing blow to the spirits and self worth of her children.

If Mom lives in "opportunity" mode her reaction may look something like this:

In those few seconds of stunned silence and shock mom is putting aside how she feels about what has just happened and wisely decides to put off asking "What happened?" for later. She quickly analyzes the situation and collects a few thoughts about what is truth.  "Yes, this is a mess, but not irreparable; I did put "clean the fish tank" on the list and that was a mistake; Johnny and Julie were being obedient; and there is something here for all of us to learn."  Because mom is in the habit of this kind of thinking these thoughts come easily. Mom promptly instructs the kids giving them specific jobs to do to help with cleaning up the mess. All done!  Everyone involved is better than they were before the crisis.  Johnny and Julie have grown in their respect for Mom; Mom learns to be specific about chores; they all learn that cleaning up a big mess is a cinch with everyone working together; they all got some crisis practice, and the icing on the cake, the floor is cleaner! Fifteen minutes after the accident the kids have a memory to hold on to for the rest of their lives.  Mom held it together in a moment of crisis.

You may be wondering, "Sandra, have you always held it together like that?". My answer: definitely not.  I wish I could say that I have.  I also wish that I would have had someone helping me think through issues like the ones I write about in my blogs. I have learned so much over the years and it brings me a great deal of joy to share it with you!  Thank you for reading!

Here's a simple suggestion: With a marker and construction paper hang the word "Opportunity" all over your house.  Take the time to talk with your kids about seeing every crisis as an opportunity.

Legacy

My blog has moved to:

 http://sandrariordan.com/ 

Hope to see you there for more recent posts!

 

In loving memory of my Mother-in-Law 
Betty Riordan
 

 

Legacy.  This word has come to my mind several times in the past seven days as I have reflected on the life well lived through my mother-in-law Betty Riordan. She is with Jesus now, but the life she lived will forever inspire us and remain a constant glow in our hearts and minds.

A legacy is an exemplary life of solid values, sound choices, and honorable character all wrapped up and embodied in a person who took the time to leave a piece of themselves in the hearts of those whose lives they touched. What is said of a person who leaves a legacy? It is very difficult to realize or measure the impact of a life well lived, but certainly the testimonies of the ones whose lives were touched by it is worth noting.  Many remarks were made of Mrs. Riordan that continually wove themselves in and out of conversations throughout the events of the week:

"She loved teaching the Bible to children; she loved singing songs with them. She never let an opportunity pass to share her love of Jesus with the children."
"Thank you, Grandma,  for helping to mold me into the person I am today."
"We will never know this side of Heaven how many people Betty influenced by her many ways of service."
"Perpetually happy and a constant reminder of what a godly woman was like. "
"She had a wonderful ability to make anyone and everyone feel important. Her love for all those she came into contact with transcended language barriers, social status, and past mistakes. She was quite simply, one of the most likable people anyone could have the pleasure of meeting."
"I do know her impact on me is quantifiable. She changed who I am as a man. Her memory is still changing me."
"It is because of Mrs. Betty that I am in the ministry today."
"I was always inspired by her goal of taking the gospel to every continent."
"I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to know such a precious lady and my life is better because of her!"
"When I think of remarkable women like Lottie Moon or Mother Theresa, Betty is right there on the list."
"Her legacy will live on in ways we don't even know yet."
"Dad and I sat thinking of just the people now in full time ministry who were under her leadership at camp...it's a staggering list.."
"Ms. Betty was the most mission minded saint I have ever seen."
"I hope I can become half the person that she was for us."
"Her legacy will live on through her children and grandchildren and through all the many other lives she has touched."
"She taught me to love God and that everything was in his hands even in my toughest times."
"She never once complained."
"I give her a lot of the credit for my career choice, my move to WA state and my desire to work with people."
"She loved the word of God."
"Betty was on fire for Jesus."

So, this is how Mrs. Riordan is remembered. In a nutshell, Betty Riordan impacted her world. She left a legacy.

It is so important for us to put the brakes on our busy life at times like these and ponder.  Do I want to leave a legacy?  I don't know of anyone who would answer that question with a heartfelt "No".  Why would any of us want to be born into this world and not leave it having made it better than it was before we came?   But here's the clincher: What are we doing about it?  This question is answered in the moment by moment, day to day choices of life.  If we will one day leave a legacy it will be done in the context of a constant awareness that every choice we make moves us toward or away from that goal.  Mrs. Riordan once said, "If I died today, I know I would be with Jesus and I have done everything in the world that I thought I would ever do."

Let's never forget Mrs. Riordan and others like her who have gone on before us and made choices that left, for the rest of us, a beautiful legacy. We avoid talking about death.  We avoid thinking about death, therefore we live as if it will never happen and our daily choices are affected by it.  Death is as naturally a part of life as birth and the dash between the two is all we have.  Let's make it count; our kids and the generations that follow are depending on us!

We should take the time to occasionally talk about death with our children. An activity you could consider doing with them would be to go to a cemetery and read the headstones comparing the differences in what is said of each person.  Talk about the dash in between the two years and what it represents.  Tell them stories about people from your past who left a legacy.

Hmmm.....so how would I hope for my headstone to read?  I'm going to close this blog now and write my epitaph.