Spilled Milk - Part 1

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"God is in control of all things." I have said this to my kids.  Do they believe it?  I hope so, but by the way I have reacted to some of the unexpected and unwelcome happenstances of life, my guess is that they may struggle with believing it; I mean really believing it.

To really believe that God is in control of all things affects the way we react to everything from a death in the family to spilled milk. It is in those moments (or sometimes months depending on the severity of the crisis) when we are reacting that our kids are all ears and eyes soaking up our tone of voice, facial expression, and the words that recklessly spill out from our lips or not.  When we react, it is like picking up a megaphone and shouting to our kids, "Here's what I really believe about God. Watch!" (I am feeling the pain of my own words right now!)  We are communicating to them some very basic truths about God: Is God in control? Is God good? Does God love me? Does God care? Hopefully, we are all careful in moments like these, but let's be honest, we can all look back at times when we misbehaved in front of our kids.

IS God in control?  It is critical that we settle this question in our own hearts. A couple of silly questions might help us gain perspective on the stuff life dishes out and the way we handle it (the correlation does break down theologically but you get the idea.)

Mamas and Daddies, do you sit around deviously plotting a day full of tragedies, trials, and temptations for your child? You are probably offended at such a suggestion!  Of course you don't!!  Why not?  Do you establish natural consequences for the rebellion and disobedience of your children?  If you don't chaos ensues. When you do, your child learns to submit to your loving correction and harmony is restored. Every act of rebellion and it's consequences are the best teaching moments we have with our children to lovingly shape them into people of good character and maintain a loving relationship. God is in control of all things and He uses all of life to teach us and shape us into his image and express His love.

The entire human race is fallen and sinful.  The bad things that happen to us and the world around us are the natural consequences of the disobedience and rebellion of the world we live in. God is not up on His throne concocting a miserable day for you or anyone else, but He does allow natural consequences to come and it touches our lives sometimes close to home.  It is difficult for us, small as we are, to understand this big picture, but the context of it all is His great love and His great plan to spend eternity with us in heaven.  His love runs global circles around our love for our kids, yet what do we do when trials come? Just like defiant little children we cast an angry glare at Him and demand to know why.  "How could a loving God allow this to happen? ", we say.  We resist with all our might, assuming God must have taken a vacation, and we treat life like one big haphazard series of events, without purpose and "well, things just happen" and we all just keep getting bumped along the path of life, avoiding as much pain as possible, until one day it all ends and we go to our graves with a fat bank of tragedies, trials, and...spilled milk that God would have used to shape us into His image had we just been moldable ..............but we missed it. We were too busy kicking and screaming against the gentle pressures of the Potter's hand or just altogether ignoring them. And why do we react this way?  Because we have not settled the question, "IS God in control?".

The sun will rise again tomorrow, just like it did today. Maybe we should spend some time today considering how we will face it with a different perspective. A perspective that says "God, I know you are in control and I am willing and ready to receive whatever you choose to allow to touch my life tomorrow, however painful or frustrating it may be.  In all my busyness I will keep watching for You and choose to be teachable through it all."

Our kids are hungry for the truth to be lived out in front of them.  Let's keep that megaphone handy because when tomorrow's crisis comes, we will be shouting things like, "Yes! God is in control!", "Yes! God is good!", "Yes! God loves us!", and "Yes! God cares!".

Below are some verses you may use to meditate on today.  Blessings to you dear readers!

Romans 9:20-21 - Who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it? Or does not the potter have a right over the the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use? 

Isaiah 45:8&9 - "Drip down, O heavens, from above, and let the clouds pour down righteousness; Let the earth open up and salvation bear fruit, and righteousness spring up with it. I, the Lord, have created it. Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker - an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?' Or the thing you are making say, 'He has no hands'?"

Jeremiah 18

Proverbs 16:9 - The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. 

Job 12:10 - In His hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind. 

Psalm 22:28 - For kingship belongs to the Lord and He rules over the nations. 

Psalm 115:3 - Our God is in the heavens; He does all that He pleases.

Proverbs 3:5&6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Romans 10:9 - "If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

Thank you for reading! And please share!

Training Johnny to Sit Still Part 3 - Mom, Johnny and Friends

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I just ushered my last of six homeschooled children out the door this morning, and off to public high school.  OK, I'm not gonna lie...I had myself a pity party. I am excited about this new chapter in my life but at the same time, I feel like a fish out of water, and I miss my kids! I know for sure that blogging will be a more consistent part of my life (Wow! It's been two years!).  Plus, I will have my grands a couple of days a week, and I bet they will be giving me plenty to write about!! =) So excited for the fun I will have with them this year!

This one is the last of three parts, but Johnny will continue to show up in my blogs since I am a prophet (HaHa) and I can tell you that, thanks to his wise mama and daddy, he grows up to be a jewel of a man that abundantly gives back to the world he was born into instead of taking from it! Which is, of course what we all aspire to as parents, right?

In my last blog, Mom and Johnny celebrate a huge victory when Johnny learns to sit still for five, ten, and even twenty minutes.  This is a goal that mom never dreamed would be possible, but with the wise advise of her grandmother, determination and consistency she soon realized the peace, love, and joy that blossomed in her home as this one success gave mom the encouragement she needed to continue training Johnny toward obedience.

Mom announces "Johnny, get your shoes on, we are going to the park!" Johnny doesn't hesitate. It had been a week since Mom's last gathering with her "a day at the park" friends and she was anxious to hear from them and had invited Grandma to come for extra support and encouragement.

After a picnic lunch Mom, Grandma and friends gather under the pavilion while the sitter watches the children on the playground.  Molly's mom pipes up and blurts out her frustrations with Molly's behavior from the previous week.  "I just don't understand it!  I popped Molly every time she did anything other than sit still during our practices!  She reacted as if we were playing a game and showed no signs of improvement for three days!"  Bobby's mom shared how every practice turned into an emotional frenzy for both she and Bobby.  They all collaborated back and forth for an hour asking Grandma lots of questions and her responding with her "two cents worth", as she called it, until they finally concluded with three common problems that many parents struggle with when faced with disciplining their children.

1) Molly's mom, with her sweet tender nature, admitted that her pops on Molly's leg were merely pats and Molly in turn was actually associating her bad behavior with something nice, a painless touch from Mama.  "It has to be just enough to sting, otherwise they will not associate their bad behavior with a negative response", said Grandma. " You are not really hurting her, just leaving enough sting to get her attention."

2)When Bobby's mom explained how she gave in to Bobby, allowing him to get away with being noisy and running around "just a couple of times" she added, the problem was clear!  Grandma explained how consistency is key.  "If you are consistent, the problem will be mastered in just a couple of days or less. Save yourself the frustration of dragging it out for weeks and just make up your mind that you are going to be consistent no matter what."  All of the moms agreed that consistency was something they all struggled with.

3) Molly's mom also admitted that her feelings about discipline got in the way. "It makes me feel so mean to spank my child." Molly's mom argued.  The other moms nodded in agreement. "Think about it like this...", Grandma encouraged. "...When you give in to your feelings instead of giving your child the discipline she needs, you are actually being selfish. You are elevating your feelings above Molly's need to be taught self discipline. You are not doing what is, in the long run, best for Molly!" After a long pause Molly's mom said, "I've never thought of it like that before!"

Bobby's and Molly's moms were encouraged to hear of Johnny's mom's successes that week! Realizing their tendencies towards these three common issues they promised to keep a tally for every time they gave in to any of them. They all agreed to continue to meet and be a support for each other in this incredible journey we call parenting.

Thanks for reading!!  Please feel free to leave comments or questions or prayer requests!  And blessings to all of you who are doing your best!  It is not easy!  You're awesome!  Don't ever stop aspiring to being the best parent you can be!  =)

Christ in Christmas

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by Sandra Sellers Riordan

I could not go to sleep Tuesday night. My mind was full of Christmas! This Christmas, for us, marks the beginning of a new chapter in our lives with the arrival of our first grandchild, Olivia Sinclair Bence, born on May 21 of this year. What a sheer joy and delight she has already been to our home! I will try not to bore you with the usual Grandma gab, but seriously, she is the sweetest child that has ever landed on planet earth, well, except for six others!  =)

So my thoughts were racing about how this new beginning for us would look at Christmas time. I decided for sure that we would start new traditions that would encourage more focus on the true meaning of Christmas than ever before.  Certainly the reading of Luke 2 would have to be part of the plan but somehow I wanted to tell the story of Jesus Christ and the reason he came, a story that would reach from the beginning of time with creation to the resurrection.  It would also have to be short and simple enough for a preschooler to understand, since, I'm sure there will be plenty of them coming to Minnie's and Papa's house for Christmas for many years to come!!

My thoughts turned into rhyming phrases. What? A poem?  I've never done this before! By this point I was out of my bed with pen and paper in hand, and the words flowed.  Truly, I believe God gave me a gift!! It is nothing short of a miracle that my groggy head could pen words that would be so meaningful to me.  He is so gracious and loving!  I am overwhelmed when I think of the many and unique ways he blesses me!!

So I wanted to express my gratitude and a Merry Christmas to you, our dear readers, and share the gift God gave to me. You are welcome to use it during your Christmas celebrations! This "poem" doesn't follow any certain pattern, rhyme or rhythm but it certainly expresses a song in my heart!! And I can't wait to share it with all of my grandchildren for many,many Christmases!

I am dedicating this poem to Olivia Sinclair Bence and all my grandchildren that are yet to be born.

This is Christmas

Perfect...yes perfectly the world began
When God created, yes He created
Sky, earth, beast and man.
At the sound of His voice
God gave light to the darkness, breath to the breathless,
But He also gave man a choice.
God was pleased with all He made, until one day,
A very sad day, He heard the man say,
I sinned, I sinned,.... I sinned.
Black, ugly, dirty sin, messed up God's  beautiful world,
But God had a plan, His love would span
The great gulf between God and man, that had been made by sin.
Sin had to be punished by the shedding of blood,
So God, in His great love, became a man.
God's love had a name, and it sounds like this:
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
God's only Son, would be the one to make man right again.
And so........it happened!!
Beautiful, silent, dark of night,
A star, a star, a star so bright,
Angels, shepherds, stable, sheep,
The lamb of God was born so sweet.
Jesus is His name.
Mary, Joseph, wise men see, the baby Jesus, born a King!
He came, He came, He came you see,
To pay for man's sins, that's you and me!
He grew, He walked upon this earth, a sinless life from the day of His birth.
The perfect, spotless Lamb of God! How can I declare His worth?!!
So when Jesus became a man, God worked His great plan,
Yes, God worked His perfect plan, to make things right with man.
And so.......it happened.
The whip, the cross, the nails, the thorns,
The sins of the world laid on the Lord.
Black, ugly, dirty sin, He took it all for sinful man!
He died, He died, for you and me! My savior hung upon that tree!
The sin was so great, God turned His head,...........
........."It is finished", Jesus said.
But wait, my friend, there's more to the story!
It's the reason I live, and give Him glory!
So here's the gospel, shout it out!!
GOD IS NOT DEAD! HE'S ALIVE! no doubt!
He conquered sin, death, and the grave, forevermore my life to save!
His precious blood covered ALL my sin! I'M ALIVE, ALIVE, ALIVE IN HIM!
So this, my dear children, is the Christmas story:
God sent His Son,
To shed His blood,
For the sins of the world,
Out of His great love!!
Oh come, let us adore Him!
Oh come, let us adore Him!
Oh come, let us adore Him!
Jesus Christ our Lord!


May the King of Kings and Lord of Lords reign in your hearts and homes this Christmas season!! Have a blessed, Christ filled Christmas!

I would love to hear from you!  Thank you for reading! =)

Sin is NOT my Master

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I recently wrote a letter to all my children.  It is a very personal pouring out of my heart.  I finally decided to post it on my blog because I thought it may help others consider their own walk with God and how we communicate it by words and actions to our children.  Please read with an open heart.

To My Dear Children:

I had an experience this morning during my quiet time that I cannot be silent about. Call it menopause =) or Mom being dramatic if you want to, but I'm telling you it was the most real and powerful thing that has happened to me in a long time. It was not the realization of a deep hidden truth but something I have heard and known all of my life. So you will probably finish this letter with a confused look on your face trying to figure out why this was so profound for me. It will be impossible for me to fully convey because it was solely the work of the Holy Spirit in me.

I am reading a devotional that is excerpts of Charles Finney's writings (great man of God). (I am almost done with dad's Psalms book, by the way.  Also a great man of God and a great book! =) ).  Again, it was nothing new.  But the Holy Spirit used Finney's words to help me fully experience faith like I never have before, that is, faith in the power of the shed blood of Jesus over sin. This has always been a little vague to me and now I know why. I guess you could say that I had a mathematical understanding of my salvation - My Sin + Jesus blood = Atonement. As a child this is all that I was able to understand.  But faith, when applied to Jesus blood covering our sins, is not an equation to be understood  but a truth to be lived out. If the shed blood of Jesus is not affecting the way I live moment by moment, living in a way that SHOWS that I believe in the power of the blood over my sin then I only have a knowing faith, not a living faith!!

I am a visual learner; God knows that.  I love it when he lovingly gives me a visual picture in my mind to help me understand something.  So here's what came to mind: If someone gives you a piece of fruit, it is yours, it is in your hand.  You say "this is my fruit; she gave it to me."  But until you eat it, your ownership of it is only a known fact and a visual fact because I see you holding it.  It does not give you life and nourishment until you eat it.  It then becomes a part of who you are. It gives you strength for the day. This is how I feel about my faith in the power of the blood of Jesus over my sin.  I have always known it, claimed ownership of it but now it is a part of who I am, my life blood. It gives me the strength to say "No" to a critical spirit, negativism, discouragement, depression and satan's lies that i will never measure up to the abundant life God intends for me to enjoy.

For so long I have concentrated on particular sins in my life (you know full well what most of them are) and tried to resolve not to continue committing the same sin and prayed and asked God to help me overcome it, only to find myself doing it again. This has been a terribly frustrating way for me to live the christian life (sound familiar? it is comforting to know that Paul struggled with the same thing isn't it?).

Read Romans 7:14-25

Here's what Finney says about the battle against sin:

"We may suppress this or that expression or manifestation of selfishness by resolving not to do this or that, and praying and struggling against it.  We may resolve upon an outward obedience, and work ourselves up to the letter of an obedience to god's commandments.  But to eradicate selfishness from the heart by resolution is an absurdity.  Should we cloister ourselves away in a cell and crucify all our desires, so far as their indulgence is concerned, we have only avoided certain forms of sin; but the root that really constitutes sin is not touched. All our battling with sin and desires in the outward life, by the force of resolution, only ends in making us whited sepulchers and delusional, for we cannot love God with all our heart in this manner." 

"The biblical doctrine is that Christ saves His people from sin through faith; that Christ's Spirit is received by faith to dwell in the heart. It is faith that works by love. Love is wrought and sustained by faith. By faith believers overcome the world the flesh, and the devil; quench the fiery darts of the enemy; and keep the flesh and carnal desires subdued. By faith we fight the good fight, not by resolution."

Charles Finney

In Genesis 4:7 it is interesting to read how God speaking to Cain says "sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it." (as we know he failed to master it and it instead mastered him to the point of murder) This would indicate that sin is something that CAN be mastered and that it is by my choice to keep the door of temptation to sin closed that I will master it. It is at this point, when my hand is on the "doorknob" that I must claim by faith, the power of the blood of Jesus in my life!!!  No matter how small the sin may seem or how I justify it, Jesus shed His precious blood for it!!  Really?  How can I possibly open the door???

It has been a few days since I started this letter.  I cannot tell you how powerful and liberating this has been for me!  If I thought long enough of my age and how long it has taken me to let the power of this most amazing truth flood over me like it has in the past few days, I would weep bitter tears. Here's the biggest heartbreak: I have always called my home my mission field.  If I had understood this years ago while you were still wearing size 4 shoes, and still reaching for the bathroom faucet on your tip toes I would have squatted down and gazed into your sweet innocent faces and explained it over and over and over again! ......But I didn't. I would have been careful to live it in front of you consistently...... but I didn't. Instead I was gripped with anger, resentment and selfishness.  Please, please forgive me for not being a better example!!

Here's the big question.  Are we going to live the crucified life or not?  How long are we going to use phrases like "Well, nobody's perfect!" or "I'm only human!". Satan must love to hear God's children talk like this.  It excuses our sin!  It is no wonder that the lost are not drawn to Jesus by the lives we are living because most Christians are content with their sin, making excuses for it and not living the victorious life the blood of Jesus bought for us!!

I want to challenge you to do something.  As a family I would like for us to memorize Romans chapter 6. It is simple, bold and plain truth for the christian life. There is nothing deep or hidden about it. Of all the passages in the Bible, this has got to be the one that makes satan tuck his tail and run!!  It is the muscle, the metabolism, the heartbeat of all of scripture. Let's take time away from the searching of the "deeper hidden truths" of the Bible and start living out the one that slaps us in the face the most!

I expect that satan will be working overtime on me and sin will be "crouching at the door" a lot.  So please pray for me because when  I slip, satan will be right there breathing his lies to me: "Stand by your rights" or "Your efforts are worthless , quit trying!".  I need a lot of encouragement and prayer!! Pray that I will have the strength to say "No! I am a born again, blood washed believer in Jesus. Sin is no longer master over me!"

Because I love You!!!!

Mama

Court Approves of Spanking

A New York court recently ruled that a Long Island father used “reasonable force” when he spanked his eight-year-old son for cursing at an adult. Previously, he had been found guilty by a county court, but upon an appeal, the father’s use of a spanking was not considered excessive punishment. In a day of child abuse combined with alleged interference of the government into how parents raise their children, many parents are afraid to use corporal punishment to correct their children’s bad behavior. It is true that child abuse is a problem in our country, and some corporal punishment would be considered abuse; however, a spanking can be an effective means of child training and discipline. Proverbs 13:24 states, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” My mother’s translation of that verse when I was growing up was, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him wears him out as it is needed.” Needless to say, my parents were not too worried about courts, judges, and prying neighbors. They were more concerned about what God had to say about disciplining their children. Therefore, an appropriate spanking was used in my family, and I am better for it.

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Look at the first part of this Proverb: “He who withholds his rod hates his son.” This is a powerful statement. It is saying that one of the most profound ways we show that we love our children is we discipline them in appropriate ways, even using “the rod.” If a parent refuses to discipline his child, this lack of discipline is making a strong statement about this parent. It says the parent loves himself more than he loves his child. No parent who is emotionally healthy enjoys spanking or disciplining their child. Many times we would rather not hurt ourselves by hurting our child. This reveals that our love for our child is not strong enough to lead us to give our child the very thing he or she needs most: discipline.

I am glad that a New York court took this stand and supported the father, but the father was supported by God many years earlier when God led the writer of Proverbs to put child discipline into proper perspective. What are your thoughts about this topic? Did your parents use corporal punishment on you? Do you think spankings are an effective use of discipline and child training? Share your thoughts below and pass this article along to someone else.

Leading Your Child to Respect Authority

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

It was raining outside, so my physical education class had to stay in the gym and go through a list of exercises. This was disappointing to a group of eighth graders, but since we could not control the weather, we simply made the best of it. I completed my assigned routine, and I stood in front of the window staring out at the rain. Suddenly, I felt a blinding pain as my body slammed against the wall. At first, I didn’t know what had happened as I felt like my backside was on fire. When I recovered from the shock, I turned and saw the coach standing there with his paddle, and he had this look of smug superiority on his face.

“What was that for?” I said in shock while trying to keep from embarrassing myself by allowing tears to roll down my cheeks.

“You’re supposed to be completing your exercises – not staring out the window,” the coach replied in a huff.

“I did complete my exercises,” I retorted with disdain in my voice.

I was royally ticked off. That coach had crossed the line. He spanked me for no good reason, and now he was going to get it. He did not even apologize, but rather, he just turned and walked away. My mom was going to hear about this, and she was going to eat him for lunch.

I went home in triumph knowing that my mother would surely be on my side this time. That coach had spanked me hard, and I had done nothing wrong. When I arrived home that day, I unloaded on my mom knowing she would be enraged.

My mother calmly replied, “I bet you have gotten away with things before that probably deserved a spanking. This one can just count for one you should have gotten before.”

I could not believe it. My mother was siding with the coach. He had practically abused me, and I was totally innocent. I was so angry at my mother for not coming to my defense. What I did not realize at the time was that she was giving me a very important lesson: always respect authority.

I see authority undermined all the time by parents, so they should not be surprised when their child eventually grows up to disregard the law, disrespect their teachers, and dishonor their parents. For example, when a child does poorly in school, the parent sides with the child and blames the teacher. Now, it may be true that sometimes the teacher is at fault, but the parent is doing a great disservice to his or her child when the teacher is blamed in the presence of the child. My smart mother knew that if she criticized the coach to me, I would no longer respect him as an authority in my life. This disrespect could slowly be channeled to other authority figures in my life. My mother may have called the coach when I was not around and given him a piece of her mind, but I never knew about it if she did.

Parents, beware. Always look for ways to support the authority figures in your child’s life. If you have to correct these authorities or criticize them, contact the person personally without letting your child know you are doing so. Leading your child to respect authority will help him or her avoid all manner of heartache in the future.

What are your thoughts about helping children respect authority? Will you share your experiences below and share this blog with your friends by clicking on the icon below?

Are Your Children Comfortable With Who They Are?

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

“If you are not you, then who is going to be you?” I remember my mother’s question to me like it was yesterday. I don’t remember the exact circumstance behind her response, but evidently she was encouraging me to quit trying to be someone I wasn’t. This can really be a challenge for children of all ages. Every kid wants to be liked, to be cool, or to be popular, and sometimes in the bid for those objectives, they alter their actions in an attempt to satisfy the crowds. One problem with this is that your child will flourish best when they are filling the shoes God made them to wear. Many children develop their idea of what is acceptable and desirable by listening to the voices of others, and most kids do not think they are either acceptable or desirable. They look around at other children in their class and begin working to adopt another child’s persona. It may have to do with certain habits or actions. It could be a sport or some other activity. Children oftentimes begin to experiment with drugs or sex out of the pressure of their peers to fit in, but in the long run, they find themselves in trouble, disillusioned, and disappointed.

Children at school are not the only influencers in our kid’s lives that might lead them to adopt a false persona. Sometimes, we as parents provide an equally dangerous threat. We may not mean to, but we begin to create in our children’s minds that they will be more acceptable if they act or perform a certain way. We may inadvertently compare them to one of our other children or to a child in another family. This performance based acceptance will bring discouragement and insecurity.

We must help our children come to understand that God made them unique, and they will find their greatest satisfaction and fulfillment when they understand their identity and walk the path God made them to walk. While we may want our children to be a sports superstar, your child may have musical talent instead of athletic abilities. As parents, it is paramount that we acknowledge that our parenting is about our children and not ourselves.