The Power of Words

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

Whoever came up with the children’s mantra, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never heart me,” must not have been a child. Words are actually quite powerful. While children can overcome physical blows quickly, painful words have a way of embedding in the mind of a child and staying there for the rest of his or her life. The Proverb writer said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” We actually shape our child’s image of themselves by the words we use. I’ve got a friend who was given the nickname “Dummy” by her father when she was quite young. This moniker affected the way she saw herself even into her adult years, and I have a feeling that even though God has helped her overcome a lot of the negative impact of this careless label, it still affects her.

As parents, we have numerous choices to make regarding our children, and one very important choice has to do with the words we use. Our children desperately need affirmation, and they specifically need affirmation from Mom and Dad. Dr. John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago conducted a study of people’s reactions to negative and positive words. His conclusion showed that the brain has what he called a “negativity bias.” We are more sensitive and responsive to negative or unpleasant words than positive words. This is why criticism has a much greater effect on us and can stay with us for our entire lives.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, from the University of Washington, suggests a five-to-one formula. While he was initially addressing married couples, the formula can certainly apply to children. Maybe, the numbers should be changed to ten-to-one. According to Gottman, the brain will overcome a negative word or criticism if it receives five positive comments or affirmations. We might think of it as giving our child a high five. What are some positive things you can intentionally say to your child today? How can you give him or her a high five. Saying negative things to our children may come naturally to us because we always seem to be in “correction mode.” We’ve got to change that and see ourselves as the shapers of our child’s character and destiny. Affirmation is a critical part of that process. This may be why Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”