I Don't Know What to Do!

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

Parenting ignorance. It is a malady with which every parent struggles, but most of the time, we beat ourselves up over our lack of knowledge. Consider this: Imagine beginning your college career as a freshman taking Chemistry 401. Chemistry is your first class on your first day of your first year. You walk into class, and the professor is distributing a test – the final exam. How would you do?

You say to the professor, “How would anyone be expected to pass the final exam in a senior level class on the first day of school as a freshman?”

Good question. We should ask ourselves the same question when we feel totally defeated in our parenting because we failed at something or because we’re at a crossroad and are just not sure which way to go. Here’s a question for you. Why should expect to be a parenting expert with your three year old or your teenager when you’ve never been a parent before? Maybe you are thinking that this question doesn’t apply to you because you are currently struggling with child number three. The fact is that every child is different. We do not parent every child the same, so just because you had success before with a particular method does not mean success with the succeeding children will be forthcoming. The fact is, parenting is a journey and an art. It’s not really a science. While there are important principles that can be applied in every situation, we must be flexible and acknowledge that we are forever in the school of parenthood. So, don’t beat yourself up. Learn from your failure, and determine how you will handle things differently next time. Denis Waitley said, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.”

I try to follow the “Joshua Principle” when it comes to parenting. I love the story of the Children of Israel standing before the Jordan River at flood stage. While the Israelites did not know how they would cross the river, God told them to get ready. Joshua spread the word throughout the camp: “When you see the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord your God with the Levitical priests carrying it, then you shall set out from your place and go after it…that you may know the way by which you shall go, for you have not passed this way before” (Joshua 3:3-4). The Ark of the Covenant represented the presence and leadership of God. Inside the ark were several things, including a copy of God’s law. Let’s acknowledge that we too “have not passed this way before” and keep seeking God’s help as He leads us into the unchartered territory of parenting. When we immerse ourselves in God’s truth and constantly seek God’s presence, we will find God’s help when we don’t know what to do.

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