Are Your Children Comfortable With Who They Are?

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

“If you are not you, then who is going to be you?” I remember my mother’s question to me like it was yesterday. I don’t remember the exact circumstance behind her response, but evidently she was encouraging me to quit trying to be someone I wasn’t. This can really be a challenge for children of all ages. Every kid wants to be liked, to be cool, or to be popular, and sometimes in the bid for those objectives, they alter their actions in an attempt to satisfy the crowds. One problem with this is that your child will flourish best when they are filling the shoes God made them to wear. Many children develop their idea of what is acceptable and desirable by listening to the voices of others, and most kids do not think they are either acceptable or desirable. They look around at other children in their class and begin working to adopt another child’s persona. It may have to do with certain habits or actions. It could be a sport or some other activity. Children oftentimes begin to experiment with drugs or sex out of the pressure of their peers to fit in, but in the long run, they find themselves in trouble, disillusioned, and disappointed.

Children at school are not the only influencers in our kid’s lives that might lead them to adopt a false persona. Sometimes, we as parents provide an equally dangerous threat. We may not mean to, but we begin to create in our children’s minds that they will be more acceptable if they act or perform a certain way. We may inadvertently compare them to one of our other children or to a child in another family. This performance based acceptance will bring discouragement and insecurity.

We must help our children come to understand that God made them unique, and they will find their greatest satisfaction and fulfillment when they understand their identity and walk the path God made them to walk. While we may want our children to be a sports superstar, your child may have musical talent instead of athletic abilities. As parents, it is paramount that we acknowledge that our parenting is about our children and not ourselves.