Helping Your Child Fail Forward

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By Dr. Tim Riordan

I recently wrote about parenting failure, and I’m sure we can all relate. Parents are not the only ones who fail. Our children do too. What do you do with failure in your child’s life? We really can do one of two things. We can either condemn our children, driving home the failure in their life insuring that they will fail again, or we can help our children use the failure as a stepping stone to success in the future. I think we would all agree that the second option is by far the best. How do we help our children fail with positive results?

We must first help them see the benefit of failure. The only way you can avoid failure is if you do not do anything. Isn’t that a failure on its own? Henry Ford once said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” As John Maxwell said, “Failure doesn’t have to be final.” We need to help our children accept the fact that there are great benefits to failure. If nothing else, failure helps us to learn one more way not to do something. Our failures do not have to define us, but rather they can teach us. In order for this to happen, we must reflect upon our failures. That may be where we mess up the most. We must help our children to process their lives and think about their failures and successes.

Along with that, we must ingrain in our children that they should never give up because perseverance is a key quality of a successful life. It’s not that we should just keep doing the same things over and over again hoping to succeed. We should analyze and adjust – analyze what we do and adjust to what works. While we may fail at something ninety-nine times, it could be the one hundredth time that brings success.

 It will help your children to know that when they fail, they are in great company. The Bible is filled with stories of people who failed and then later succeeded. Consider Jonah, Abraham, David, and Paul. History is also replete with examples. Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” If people like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and numerous biblical characters share the common denominator of failure before they experienced success, your child can also be encouraged that success could be found in the next attempt.

 While failure isn’t fun, it is necessary. Failure is usually the classroom through which the steps to success are learned. Our children need to learn this important lesson and avoid giving up when accomplishment is within their grasp.